Malenkowicz

Middle of the night. I sit on my chair with glass of whiskey in my hand, give it a swirl.

Time is such a weird concept.

I was waiting for this for years and yet I feel like those last two weeks will be longer than them.

I look back on my life, I see darkness, I see void that is reaching for me, it wants to hug me, comfort me in well-known sadness, feed me with pain of old days, lay my head on cashmere pillow made of self-hatred.

I feel like I need to give up, like I need to let myself rest on this bed made of thorns

Just

For one more minute

Like alarm clock in the morning

I press “snooze” on my life once more

Even though I know I can’t.

Even though I know it will kill me.

Even though I know that I need to! If not for me then for him!

I finish my drink, Do I want to wake up? It feels so good to lay down, even thou it hurts.